“I see the heavens each time that you smile.
I hear your heartbeat just go on for miles.
And suddenly I know why life is worthwhile.
That’s what I see through your eyes.”
Carole Bayer Sager & David Foster – Looking through your eyes

Every girl is surely familiar with fairytales where damsel is in distress and prince charming save the day. Those who have grewn up in Disney world are familiar with Prince Charming, Prince Phillip, Prince Eric, Aladding, John Smith and others. The pattern is always the same: the prince saves the princess, charmes her and they live happily ever after.

As an adult we easily look for our own Prince Charming. We’re looking for ah so wonderful-relationship where we’re the whole world to our partners. We want to be princesses, handled by silk gloves by our princes who are willing to do anything for us. Everyday is like dancing on roses and our prince will never fail us. We believe that we have our happily ever after.

Those fairytales which we heard as a child, taught us that it’s the man’s job to make us feel ourselves special. That the man should be polite, observant, charming, lovely etc. Love is when man is ready to anything for the woman and can’t live without her. So we are made believe.

So what about the men then? If it’s to believe the fairytales then men are under unconscionable pressure. There should be nothing else in life than woman. Man should exist for woman whenever she needs. Remember manners and take into account both with words and actions.

What if inside of every man lives a little prince who is in desperate need for attention? What if men would like to feel themselves important? What if men would like to get support and help? Feel that they are seen and heard as they are? That there’s someone to whom they’re special? What if occasionally we would change roles?

Nowadays there’s a constant talk of equal roles. In modern relationship happily ever after is not only the man’s responsibility. It is both the prince and princess job to make sure that each will be seen, heard, appreciated and loved just as they are.

With love, Anu-Maarit

“Silmät kiinni ja monitorit huutamaan,
ei oo mitään muuta kuultavaa.
Hetken maailma on tässä.
Silmät kiinni niin tilaava kaipuu,
vaadi kukaan ei mihinkään taipuu.”
PistePiste – Hetken maailma on tässä

As a deep and sensitive person I like to ponder sthings. Find reasons why I behave in a way x, y or z. Analyse and get to know myself. I’ve been doing this for years and that’s why I know myself well. I know why I behave as I do, what I like, what situations cause me stress, what makes me happy etc.

Inspecting and developing of myself has become a lifestyle for me. In my bookshelf I have loads of self-help books. I’m aware that I can’t change other people or conditions. Only thing that I can affect is that how I relate to those things.

There’s constantly something to develop in me. Just when I got myself updated to version 2.0 I’m planning the version 2.1. I’m scanning myself all the time. When I’ve reached a goal in self development I move forward to pursuit the next one.

I came aware of this situation today while having a walk outside. Suddenly it all was clear to me. I realized that I don’t really accept myself as I am. Also I’m repeating a pattern of which I try to so hard to get rid off.

As a child I wasn’t accepted as I am. Whatever I did it wasn’t enough. There was always someone who was better than me. Now that I’ve been trying to learn to accept myself as I am, I’m repeating the same pattern that I got used to as a child.

By constantly developing myself I’m saying: I’m not good enough as I am. I should be more positive, compassionate, grateful etc. I’m tiring myself because I try to be a better version of myself – though the current one is good!

Today I enjoy of my company. Exactly as I am: natural, without make up, with messy hair. Today I don’t need to anything to myself because I’m good as I am. And maybe the pieces of life will find their place because of this – when I really accept myself as I am and not to try to make myself better all the time.

With love, Anu-Maarit

“Mä puran luurangoilta kaapin
Laitan lattian, avaan ikkunan
Sä värein kirkkain seinät maalaat
Mielen vankilan kanssas romutan”
Aki Sirkesalo – Remontti

It’s a blink of an eye when old memories trigger. A moment ago everything was fine but now I’m in distress. I’m back in my childhood, I feel insecure, fear, anxiety. I cry and I’m in panick. I’m alone. Where’s the the adult who would comfort me? Who would tell that there’s nothing to worry about. Where are you?

On the next day we talk through of what happened. I told what happened to me, how I felt. With your behaviour, you tear my wounds open. So that I wouldn’t get hurt again I say to you: next time behave differently. I shift the responsibility of the situation to you though you’re innocent party. You couldn’t know what your behaviour triggered in me. You can blow into my wound, ease the pain. However it’s not your responsibility to heal my wounds.

When my distress was major and the child was looking for someone to comfort and hold in lap, I was looking from there where I couldn’t get it at the moment. The comforter and the lap was there all the time. It’s always there though you would be away.

The adult who could’ve comfort the child, didn’t know how it happens. So it was easier to outsource the situation, in a way run away from the pain. Try to control that it will not happen again. However I can’t control you.

I could try to learn to be a comforter, loving lap for myself. To be a mother and a father to my child. To indicate sympathy, praise and encourage. To remind that I’m important. I’m good enough as I am. I love myself.

When I learn to take responsibility of my own wellbeing, of my wounds, I don’t insist you to make me complete. Because only I know what I need. What are the words and actions that make me bloom .What are the wounds that want to get healed.

Still I hope that you’ll stay by myside. You’re patient and give me time. You blow into my wounds and encourage to go forward. You’ll give me a chance to grow, develop. You’ll give me space to build myself again.

With love, Anu-Maarit