“Anna anteeksi nuo,
heikkouteni ja
aamujesi paino,
päiväsi mustimmat.
Anna anteeksi nuo,
heikkouteni ja
iltojesi raivo,
pelkosi raskaimmat.”
Happoradio – Anna anteeksi

Sorry. A word that has been taught for us since we were childen. A word that is part of good manners. A word that we sometimes repeat too automatically, without thinking its deeper meaning. A word that we have conditioned.

Asking for forgiveness and giving it is sometimes easy and sometimes hard. In situations where I inadvertently hurt other, its easy to say sorry. Usually in this situation its easy to forgive. Asking for forgiveness and giving it becomes harder when hurting has been intentional or when we don’t hear the word sorry – and still we need to forgive.

The word sorry might sometimes bind us tightly. When I was younger I had a difficult relationship and I was sure that things would be fixed if only this person would say that he’s sorry. If only he would be sorry for all the pain, unjust treatment which victim I was. I was ready to forgive IF he would say that he’s sorry. If he would ask my forgiveness.

Nonetheless I never heard an apology from this person. Haven’t heard it so far. At some point I gave up and decided that my life cannot be tied to one apology. I got over the situation but still I wonder from time to time how much it would’ve meant to me that I would have heard the words. “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” from the person.

Most difficult is to forgice when other doesn’t ask it first. We have been taught that forgiviness requires first others repentance, request of forgiveness. Only then we can forgive. However it might be that we’ll never hear the word sorry, especially from those which we expect the most.

It is said that forgiveness sets you free. I believe that true forgiveness frees us from the burden of the past. If I forgive to other, it doesn’t mean that I accept what he did. It means that I’m ready to let go. In French language there’s a word “laissez aller” which means freedom without constraint. When I forgive both to past and future experiences I’m free without constrains.

With love, Anu-Maarit