Fragile wounds

“Ei kai niin pientä haavaa olekaan ettei siihen vois puhaltaa,
aina jossain on se olkapää joka kipuas kannattaa.
Eihän niin suurta taakkaa olekaan, ettei sitä vois puolittaa,
aina on monta syytä hengittää vaikka jalat ei kantaiskaan.”
Sana ft. Maya Paakkari – Haava

For me helping others is a calling of heart and I do it willingly. I don’t do good deeds to others because I want something in return. I do good deeds because I want to make others happy and show that I care. If someone sometimes ask what he could do as a service of return, what I need, I usually reply: “well, I don’t need anything.”

“Well I don’t need anything” is an attitude that has traveled with me for quite a long time now. I’ve been for a long now a wrong kind of though guy. Been strong and wielding, survived of challenges all alone. Thought that others are entitled to get help, care, support and couragement. My destiny is to survive alone and to show to everyone that I’ll manage and get through the life by myself.

I’m used to independent life, to be alone. I believe in my own dreams, I’m capable of encouraging myself. I know that there’s a plenty of qualities in my that make me strong and diligent. I know that I’ll manage in life no matter what will I face. I know that the life will carry me.

Now maybe first time after childhood I have the courage to confront my desires and needs. When I do that I notice that though I am a “though guy” I still need others. Though I’m capable of taking care of myself thus I need and want that from time to time someone praises and encourages. If I dont’t have any energy left, I wish that someone would grab my hand, help and care.

Not long a go I got a bad wound in my finger. When I asked advice from my friend for tending the wound he said: “The wound needs warmth so that I’ll heal.” The same is with mental wounds: they need warmth so that they can heal. Not just from myself but from others as well. The purpose of life is not that I give of myself to others without getting anything in return. Me, as we all, have the right to love and be loved. To be safe and get care. To get support and encouragament. We’re worth it.

With love, Anu-Maarit