Ode to sensitivity

“Maailma on kaunis ja hyvä elää sille,
jolla on aikaa ja tilaa unelmille
ja mielen vapaus, ja mielen vapaus.
On vapautta istua iltaa yksinänsä
ja tuntea tutkia omaa sisintänsä
ja elää elämäänsä, ja elää elämäänsä.”
Irwin Goodman – Maailma on kaunis

I’m a sensitive person. Highly sensitive one. I seldom follow new because usually they make me feel bad. I cry in the movies, I cry if someone significant to me dies though I would have never met him. Feelings are like electric shocks that ran through my body. When I get excited is like as if someone would have ignited fireworks inside of me. I constantly scan my environment and notice matters that for most people pass unnoticed. Often I stop to observe the world and its wonders. The world is full on wonders and I’m one of those wonders.

Previously I thought that sensitivity was a bad trait. I couldn’t understand why I see and experience life so differently from others. I’ve never had an ordinary day. I didn’t knew as a child that I was highly sensitive since birth and I’ll be for the rest of my life. It’s not a trait or quality that could be just switched off.

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand sensitivity but even harder to appreciate. In this world are many people who are sensitive but still feeli like the sensitivity must be hidden. My brother said it so well in his text: “I’ve felt like I’ve been sensitive for a long time and seen it as a trait that needs to be hidden because it doesn’t fit in the image of Finnish man. And so have I done, hidden it as well as I could. I’ve always compared myself to others and from that found a lot of weaknesses in me.”

Sensitivity is not weakness. Sensitivity doesn’t make a human any less. Sensitivity doesn’t need to be ashamed or hidden. Sensitivity is easily united with overreacting and weakness. If someone is sensitive then that person is “thin-skinned” or uncapable of dealing with trials of life. Many sensitive person might have heard words: “you ought to be harder” or “the situation is not that bad.”

Sensitivity is wonderful. It’s marvelous, beautiful and surprising. Even earlier I wondered how would it feel like to be ordinary. How would it feel like to spend an ordinary day? Nowadays I’m proud to be sensitive, I’m HSP with a big heart. I’ve learned to appreacite and love my sensitivity. Because of the sensitivity I’m able inter alia relate to others feelings and experiences, observe matters from different perspectives, be intuitive and creative, to take responsibility of others, to sense the life deeply and richen the world.

During my life I’ve kept myself hidden, bottled my feelings, ashamed of my sensitivity enough. I’ll do that for no longer. I am me – wonderful, highly sensitive person. If someone doesn’t understand my sensitivity then it’s not my problem. I don’t have to change myself so that I would fit in this world. I can be me, just as I am. I can explode like fireworks from excitement and cry of small and big matters. I can lay on the grass, gaze at the sky and marvel the glory of this life.

With love, Anu-Maarit