On a expedition

“But maybe it’s time to heal, maybe it’s time to try.
Maybe it’s time to deal with all the pieces in my life.
Maybe I’ll sober up, maybe before I die.
Maybe I’ll finally deal with all the wreckage in my life.”
Sixx: A.M. – Maybe it’s time

During the internship that I’m doing for my studies I’ve had to orientate myself with different background materials. I’ve read works related to research- and development work and also students thesis. I started to read one thesis purely for theory, looking for tips that how I could start to arrange my research materials.

Suddenly the thesis sucked me in. It wasn’t theory anymore but it was a description of people, pain, experiences and healing. Suddenly I found phrases from the thesis that made me think of my own growth and development. Suddenly I could identify myself with the people whose experiences were described in the thesis.

I was browsing the thesis from here and there and one phrase stopped me:
“Can person find himself if he’s always doing ok?”
Stop here and read that phrase again.
Can person find himself if he’s always doing ok?
Can it be so? Is it possible?

I dare to claim that it isn’t possible. Though the idea of steady life, life where everything’s going ok all the time allures thus is it life? Will we grow and develop? If we’re doing ok all the time do we now the direction where we’re going? So that it’s possible to change the direction the direction has to be changed first right?

Finding onself is a lifetime of a process. It doesn’t happen in one night, after one encounter, after one crisis. It happens little by little when we have the courage to open up, be vulnerable. When we identify our needs, desires, deepest wishes. When we stop to blame others but take charge of our lives and of the direction we want it to go. When we have the courage to be who we are and believe that we’re loved regardless.

It’s said that after the storm is fair weather. You must have seen how storm rages in nature, rain is pouring and wind is about to knock the trees down. Everything is in chaos. But after the storm is over, the sun will come out and the world looks like a better place. The air has cleared, what wasn’t needed is probably gone. You sigh of relief and enjoy of sunlight.

So that rocks will become diamonds it needs hard pressure and warmth. Equally so that we become diamonds, the persons who we are, we need pressure and warmth. We need pressure brought by life experiences and warmth brought by others.

With love, Anu-Maarit