From light to darkness

“Ten more days under water,
and I already know,
I’ll be fine.
Ten more days ’till it’s over,
‘Till the darkness goes
and I see the light.”
AVICII – Ten more days

About a week ago the world was shocked with news of DJ AVICII being found dead. Social media was filled with condolences and the whole world was wondering: what has happened? First there wasn’t that much information about the cause of his death but yesterday the news reported that apparently he made a suicide.

Exactly week before AVICII’s death I watched a documentary about him on Netflix. The documentary was touching, mesmerizing, inspiring. I felt like I was one step closer to this mystical person, AVICII. I felt like after watching the documentary I knew the person behind AVICII, I knew who Tim Bergling was. AVICII’s music opened up in a totally new way and the following week I spend just listening to his music.

I was so happy for him because I felt like finally he had found himself, a direction for his life and was happy. On the same day as I watched the documentary I wrote a tweet on twitter: ““Just watched @Avicii’s “True Stories” documentary and man I just would like to give you a hug! I respect you and your music so much. You’re such an inspiration and I’m happy for you that you’ve fighted through your problems. Tappa inte bort dig själv.”

A week later I read from the news that AVICII has been found dead. I was devastated. My world was broken. I cried for hours, it felt unbelievable. Just as I had gotten so much inspiration from this person, wondering if I could meet him one day then *BAM* he’s dead. The world has lost another young, talented person.

AVICII’s death touched also because it reminded me of my own brothers dead. Though the reason for AVICII’s death was not known still I had the anticipation, even feared, that the had commited a suicide. It felt really unjust that again a person who would have his whole life ahead doesn’t find any other solution than to end his life. How did it come to this?

It was known that AVICII had been struggling for long with stress, physical diseases and the pressure of being a celebrity. Though he was at the end of his limits people pushed him to continue. People wanted him to succeed but did he want it himself? In 2016 when I announced that he’ll end the tours pleading to his own state of health he faced surprising objections. People told him that he should’ve thought how the decision will affect others when in reality he was thinking of himself.

There’s something wrong with this world when we urge young people to commit a suicide. Something is badly wrong when people cry themselves to sleep for years because they’re feeling so bad and stressed and not getting help. In the end humans are so fragile and one thing is enough to break the camel’s back, to be the last drop. Why can’t we identify the people in need on time? Why we urge people to their limits, to test their limits before they get help? If they get it in the first place.

The world needs love. This were the words that my brother wrote in his farewell letter to us. Indeed the world needs love. The world needs the authentic love where other person is seen as a human – not a machine or a executer of my own dreams. In every moment humans need support and that should be available all the time. Everyone should be able to be fragile, broken. Everyone who asks for help should get it.

We have a long way to go so that we’ll get to the point where humans are seen as humans. So that everyone who needs help has time, that someone really listens and confronts. The human life is hanging from a small hook and one encounter can change the direction of others life. One moment can be meaningful. Each of us can affect everyday to the wellbeing of themselves and others. Choice is yours.

How often you’ll say to someone that you’re important? How often you really listen what other has to say? How often you’re ready to help others without getting something in return? What would you be ready to do so that this world would be a better place? So that this world would have more love?

With love, Anu-Maarit

Responsible adult

“And all my life,
I’ve been waiting for someone like you,
to make me smile.
You make me feel alive
and you’re giving me everything,
I’ve ever wanted in life.”
Sixx:A.M. – Smile

How wonderful it would be that someone would take care of me. That someone would say that I’m precious, important and lovable. Make me feel that I’m accepted as I am. Make me believe that I can do anything and encourages my dreams. Remind how wonderful and beautiful human I am.

There’s a human like that – me. Unfortunately too often we expect these comments from outside. That someone else would remind us of the importance of our existence. Makes us feel ourselves imporant and loved. Tell who precious we are.

Durig this spring I noticed that I was feeling frustrated. I was frustrated with the fact that no matter how hard I tried to do things so that everyone else would feel better I did’nt feel better. I was even a bit angry to others because I gave them my time and energy and I necessarily even didn’t get a thanks. All for nothing I thought.

Afterwards I realized that I searched from the others something I couldn’t give for myself – a sense of purpose. I yearned from others feedback and thanks to feel myself significant and important. When I didn’t receive this feedback I felt disappointed. Even though I genuinely wanted to do good for others I realized afterwards that I was selfish and thinking about myself.

It wasn’t easy to admit that I’m responsible for my own feelings. If I lack of something, no matter how easy it would be to blame others there’s no point in blaming. Instead people should focus on themselves and observe what’s the emotion that I’m looking for? What I want from others that I can’t give for myself?

If I’m unable to take care of my own needs and emotions but rather need someone else to do that, then I’m dependent of others. If I want to be with someone just because I want to feel certain emotions then I’m in a relationship on wrong basis. The relationship wont last if the foundations are not strong.

When I start to give for myself the things that I expect from others, inevitably others will start to react to that as well. Kinda miracle happens and I start to attract more what I give out. When I don’t expect others to make me happy only then I can achieve true happiness because I’m responsible for that. I know the best what I need and I’m capable of giving it for myself. I’m worth it.

With love, Anu-Maarit

Gratitude opens doors

“So for tonight we pray for,
what we know can be
and on this day we hope for,
what we still can’t see.
It’s up to us to be the change
and even though this world needs so much more,
there’s so much to be thankful for.”
Josh Groban – Thankful

The first time that I wrote about gratitude was already in 2014 when Metro-magazine published my column “gratitude opens doors.” Then I only scratched the surface and wrote about something I didn’t master. Then gratitude was for me more a habit and thing that I express only when I get something from another.

Now 4 years later I find myself exploring gratitude again. I’ve started to practice gratitude. No more I’ll say thank you only when I receive something but give thanks for everything that I’ve got. Thank you for the life, body, senses, clean water, nature, sun. Thank you for the friends, love, cats, home, dreams. The more I practice gratitude the more I’ll find things to be grateful for.

Gratitude is easy to lose and especially for us Finns our tongue is so eager to judge and complain even though we have so many things to be grateful for. I don’t blame us since it’s easier to notice what we don’t have rather than focus on what we have. Luckily gratitude can be learned and gradually start to shift attitude towards positivity.

Almost for a week now I’ve been practising conciously gratitude and I can say that wonders have started to happen in my life. Most it has affected to the way how I feel: when I’m feeling grateful I’m happy and I trust on life. Like India’s Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar wisely said: ”Gratitude is like a magic wand. When you are grateful, everything else flows to you.”

Gratitude is free but effective medicine to all possible conditions. If you want a quick transformation to your life and want to see miracle happen then adopt the attitude of gratitude and give thanks for everything in your life. I can promise that you’ll be surprised!

With love, Anu-Maarit