The sound of silence

“And in the naked light I saw,
ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
people hearing without listening,
people writing songs that voices never share.
And no one dared,
disturb the sound of silence.”
Disturbed – The sound of silence

A guest is coming for a visit.
I made coffee and put something small to eat on the table.
My guest was on time as always.
I welcomed him and asked to sit down.
We talked for hours.
About life and me.
I heard what was important for me.
I heard what I need.
I also heard of myself things that felt unpleasant.
What kind of I am.
What others think of me.

Though it wasn’t easy to meet my guest I learned a lot of myself during these hours. I know now what I have to do so that I can feel good.

The doorbell rang. I opened the door. I ask my friend in. We sit down, drink coffee and talk. The silence goes out from the way.

When was the last time that you invited silence for a visit?

With love, Anu-Maarit

On a expedition

“But maybe it’s time to heal, maybe it’s time to try.
Maybe it’s time to deal with all the pieces in my life.
Maybe I’ll sober up, maybe before I die.
Maybe I’ll finally deal with all the wreckage in my life.”
Sixx: A.M. – Maybe it’s time

During the internship that I’m doing for my studies I’ve had to orientate myself with different background materials. I’ve read works related to research- and development work and also students thesis. I started to read one thesis purely for theory, looking for tips that how I could start to arrange my research materials.

Suddenly the thesis sucked me in. It wasn’t theory anymore but it was a description of people, pain, experiences and healing. Suddenly I found phrases from the thesis that made me think of my own growth and development. Suddenly I could identify myself with the people whose experiences were described in the thesis.

I was browsing the thesis from here and there and one phrase stopped me:
“Can person find himself if he’s always doing ok?”
Stop here and read that phrase again.
Can person find himself if he’s always doing ok?
Can it be so? Is it possible?

I dare to claim that it isn’t possible. Though the idea of steady life, life where everything’s going ok all the time allures thus is it life? Will we grow and develop? If we’re doing ok all the time do we now the direction where we’re going? So that it’s possible to change the direction the direction has to be changed first right?

Finding onself is a lifetime of a process. It doesn’t happen in one night, after one encounter, after one crisis. It happens little by little when we have the courage to open up, be vulnerable. When we identify our needs, desires, deepest wishes. When we stop to blame others but take charge of our lives and of the direction we want it to go. When we have the courage to be who we are and believe that we’re loved regardless.

It’s said that after the storm is fair weather. You must have seen how storm rages in nature, rain is pouring and wind is about to knock the trees down. Everything is in chaos. But after the storm is over, the sun will come out and the world looks like a better place. The air has cleared, what wasn’t needed is probably gone. You sigh of relief and enjoy of sunlight.

So that rocks will become diamonds it needs hard pressure and warmth. Equally so that we become diamonds, the persons who we are, we need pressure and warmth. We need pressure brought by life experiences and warmth brought by others.

With love, Anu-Maarit

Role plays?

“En häpee täällä sitä mitä sä näät,
vaan sitä minkä kätken, mun epäelämää.
Pelkään, et kaikille paljastuu et mä oon –
sellanen kun mä oon.”
Pyhimys – Jättiläinen

In 2014 I’ve written a poem that fits perfectly to today’s blog text. I named the poem “Primadonna” and it goes like this:

Behind a curtain was a door, sign saying ‘primadonna’
there she was sitting looking at her collection.
Over the ages collected from the world,
every cabinet carefully filled.

Always before the show primadonna wandered around,
thinking what kind of role she would take today,
what kind of costume she would wear.
Would she be kind neighbour, a loyal partner?
Or a trusted friend, always pleasing everyone?

Finally she found a costume that the viewers will like.
Finishing touches, make up and primadonna is ready for the show.
The show went perfectly, primadonna did precisely her part.
But she didn’t realize her part in this show,
she always choose her role according to who was watching.

Does the poems primadonna sound familiar? We each have somekind of role in this life. As a matter of fact it might be that we have multiple roles. We need roles to define how we behave in different situations. For example with a spouse we act differently compared to our child or our friend. Some of our roles have been selected consciously and some might exist even that we recognize their existence.

Roles a part of our life from the beginning. We’ve been told how we should be, what is expected from us. Might be that some our roles have been with us since we were children. It might also be that we think that we are not accepted as we are. We play the role because we’re uncertain and afraid to show to others who we really are. On the other hand roles make possible that we have the courage to do things, go outside of our comfort zone because we have the role to support us.

We can’t go throught this life without having a some role at some point. However how different roles we have I hope that to every role we could bring a pinch of ourselves. I wouldn’t like that people feel like that they have to play a certain role so that they would be accepted in this world. I would like it so that everyone can be who they are – regardless of the role.

With love, Anu-Maarit